Last Xmas U Gave Me Your Heart...

I still remember at this time of the year last year,I spent my Xmas with my ex-bf in Australia.
However,that is not what I wana remember..my ex-bf is already a history..
I still remember exactly on Dec19,2007, after Simon and Tong fetched me to KLIA, Simon sent a sms to me confessing he loves me..it was very sweet of him then..and the msg is still in my hp:)
Back then,I really never thought he would be my bf..furthermore,I was kinda planning to further my studies in Aus to be together with my ex-bf..
However,what a change in fate..he made me realised and gave me hope that someone nearby could give me happiness..I changed my mind and decided not to go to Aus instead:)
After some time,I decided to break up with my ex-bf coz we dun seem to have future together..

On the Valentine's Day on Feb14,2008,u proposed to me and thus, start the journey of our love..
Many sweet memories when we were together..in Genting Highland,Pangkor Island..
not forgetting dating at each other's house and watched movies together..:)
All these memories make my heart smile and long for ur presence..
U r not the perfect kind of guy but I felt a total sense of happiness when I'm with u:)

However, as time goes by, u became busier with work and friends..
I'm no longer ur priority and u r moving away from me..
I was ignored and dun feel appreciated by u..
instead, i began to feel like a burden to u:(
What ever happen to the passionate kiss and hug?
Why were u looking away when I try to look into ur eyes?
Why is there an annoying tone in ur voice when I call u?
Why don't u call or msg me anymore?
Why arent u calling me baby or darling anymore?
Who am I to u and am I even a significant person in ur life?

My heart breaks into pieces when I dont even know whether u love me or not..
What have I done and what are my weaknesses that caused u to treat me this way?
I dun even know whether we can survive for 1yr but u and ur ex managed to survive for 3yrs..
Am I not good enough compared to ur ex?
Did u treat ur ex better than how u treat me now?:(
Didn't u want someone who can treat u better than ur ex?Didnt i fit the criteria?

Sadness and feeling of depressed cause me many sleepless nights..
I with I could turn back the time..
The time where we could still be happy with each other..
The time where u would call me and talk to me excitedly..
The time where u could even take the trouble to come all over to my place..
The time where u smile whenever u see me..
The time where I was called baby or honey..
The time where I would be appreciated and made me feel good.
The time where we could talk about anything openly..
The time I could just lie down on ur chest and listen to ur heartbeat..
The time where we yearn to see and miss each there so much..

But can all this happen again?Can I turn back the time once more?
My heart feels heavier and heavier with sadness every each day..
It's killing me not to love and be loved in return:(
It's killing me u r not the same bf again..
How long can I feel depressed..how long can this last..
Loneliness is killing me slowly..
When can I learn how to smile again..I wonder..:(