This Is How It Ended & My Last Words..

Dear all,
I'm so depressed and tired of everything.
i'm scared of knife and poison..so i want a sweet death..
therefore, I have a cough medicine right in front of me.
its a strong cough medicine..even 10ml would make me damn drowsy...
so,with 1/3 bottle left, hopefully it would knock me into deep sleep after i finished it.
i dun know wat would the consequences be..its written overdose effect as respiratory depression so even if i have it,i wont be able to realised it as i would be in deep sleep then..

At last,this is how it ends..Simon,the person that I love the most broke up with me..
I have cried buckets till no tears left..i have now become numb,emotionless,inhuman feelings..
why must all my love life be so depressing?
i just want to love and be loved in return..must it be so hard?
it hurts to see couples having nice time together in prom night..
they seem to be in their own world..staring into each other's eyes lovingly..
holding, hugging and dancing passionately,
the guys seem to be so caring towards their gfs..i really envy them so much:(
it hurts to see couples having fun while im alone in prom..so depressing:(

Simon was the perfect man that I thought could love forever..
but,how wrong i was..he no longer loves me..no reason was given..and im left in the darkness..
my heart feels as if it had been stabbed multiple times..so painful,so hurtful..
i just wana forget everything..
even if i survive tonight,i hope to be able to forget everything..
if i dun,i hope to bring together our sweet and nice moments with me in heaven/hell..

Dear Simon,
Thx for being my bf..althou our relationship didnt work out as expected,but u r my best ever bf
if i cant make u happy,i hope u can find someone better than me..
perhaps im too clingy and dependant on u..
im so sorry to be a burden to u..i know i must be very troublesome to u so u wana break up..
I know u r suicidal as well..but pls promise me,if im not here anymore,do not follow my steps..
promise me that u would live a better life and be a better person..
i want u to be happy..pls be optimistic and dun be so pessimitic in life..
u r a good guy and i still love u..pls take care of urself
ps: i'm not sure whether u have read the offline msn msg or the mic word that i have sent to u, but if u havent, the mic word file is opened in my laptop if u come here..i wil leave my laptop on..

4.03am-10ml
4.10am-another 10ml..hand started to shake..
sweet cough med..i want more..i wana sleep peacefully..
i dun care..add another 10ml..hope this would knock me out..
now finished..im done..i drank cough med like drinking water..
waiting for it to take effect..should be soon..
or should i go to sleep now..starting to feel drowsy..
nvm lemme finish my last words 1st..

to all my other friends..Debbie,Edward,Jaime,Jeremy,Kevin,Ooi Yee,Rachel and other names tht i didnt mention here..thank u so much for ur concern and support when i'm down..
u guys r my great friends and i realy appreciate u guys..
pls dun be sad when im gona..i just wana have a nice rest..
also,my father's 4th demise anniversairy is coming on dec27..
i wana see him again..i wana fulfill the regret of not appreciating him when he is alive..
i hope u guys would learn the moral of this story..
pls appreciate those who love u and nvr wait til its too late..
i learnt tht after my father's death and i hope u guys would realise it soon too..

to my mum,im so sorry to let u down..
u have raised me up so hard..and yet,im doing this to u..
im sorry that i hate u..i knw u love me but the way u treated me all these yrs really had bad impact on me..parent's quarrel,mental abuse,childhood depression..i cant stand it anymore,pls..
pls use the money to take care of urself til u r old..
im so sorry for not being able to take care of u in the future..
im really sorry..and i hope u wil forgive me..

ok i guess i wana go to sleep now..
goodbye everyone..
let me sleep with a smile instead of a frown..
i wana put away the sadness and leave this world with peace..
goodbye..