Im back to depressed again..
I just cry and cry and cry uncontrollable..:(
My heart is still feeling so painful..still bleeding even after a week..
i cant imagine how am i gona live without him in my life anymore..
i feel so lonely..so miserable..im all alone now:(
hiding in the corner of my room..
i just wana bury my face into the pillow..
if can,i dun wana wake up anymore..
so that i wont have to feel this painful feeling everyday..
tears after tears rolling into the pillow..
i could only hug my beloved dolls and no one else..
where is love in this world..
i just want to love and be loved..why is it so hard??:(
i have been deprived of love since young..
when can i get love at last or will i ever get,i wonder..
this world is just so cruel..
my heart has been stabbed again and again by love..
why dun just let me die then..:(
seeing his handsome pics in spore in facebook..
makes me feel like wana hug him..
but how can i do that anymore..
who am i to him now..
im no more urs..u dun love me anymore:(
all i want now is to see him..
wana see him for 1 last time..
can i at least hug u for the last time?:(
feel the warmthness of ur body and feeling safe in ur arms..
i dun even knw whether i will experience that again in the future..
im so lonely..all i want is to see u for 1 last time..can i?:(
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Saturday, December 27, 2008
My Father's 4th Demise Anniversary..Not Forgotten Tsunami Victims..
Today, 27 Dec 2008 was my father's 4th demise anniversary..
exactly 4 yrs ago, my beloved father passed away due to colon cancer at 4am, 27 Dec, 2004.
Also, not forgotten the 4th year anniversary of Tsunami incidents that caused thousands of death in many countries on Boxing Day, 26 Dec,2004.
The memories my father and the image of tsunami in newspapers still haunts me now and then..
I still remember the time when my mum and I had to take care of during the last few days when u were bedridden.. really never expect u would just leave us like that 1 day:(
I would never ever forget this time of the year..together i mourn together with the families of tsunami victims for all of us had lost our beloved ones..lets hold a silent prayer together....
Papa,I really miss u so much:( how r u now?i hope u r resting peacefully in heaven..
look..im a big girl now..im gona graduate soon next year june..i know u must be proud of me:)
i really hope to meet u again..i almost cause myself death that day if not of the failed attempt:(
i guess u were the guardian angel that saved me that day..maybe its not my time yet:(
but i do hope to meet u soon..i miss u so much, papa..
now, 7 days after the break up..i have gone through emotions of roller coaster..
from being sad, depressed, disappointed, angry..now im feeling much more better..
no more crying although i still do feel sad:(
the weird thing is i still miss him:( why do i still miss him when we r only friends now?:(
i guess im still not used to the new role yet..as his friend instead of gf:(
i also would not how to act if i ever meet him again in the future..
should i just ignore him or talk to him like normal? could i make it?:(
how would his response and behavior towards me? cold? indifferent?
i really dun know wat to expect..quite sad also when come to think of this:(
anyway, just hope that watever will be, will be..
exactly 4 yrs ago, my beloved father passed away due to colon cancer at 4am, 27 Dec, 2004.
Also, not forgotten the 4th year anniversary of Tsunami incidents that caused thousands of death in many countries on Boxing Day, 26 Dec,2004.
The memories my father and the image of tsunami in newspapers still haunts me now and then..
I still remember the time when my mum and I had to take care of during the last few days when u were bedridden.. really never expect u would just leave us like that 1 day:(
I would never ever forget this time of the year..together i mourn together with the families of tsunami victims for all of us had lost our beloved ones..lets hold a silent prayer together....
Papa,I really miss u so much:( how r u now?i hope u r resting peacefully in heaven..
look..im a big girl now..im gona graduate soon next year june..i know u must be proud of me:)
i really hope to meet u again..i almost cause myself death that day if not of the failed attempt:(
i guess u were the guardian angel that saved me that day..maybe its not my time yet:(
but i do hope to meet u soon..i miss u so much, papa..
now, 7 days after the break up..i have gone through emotions of roller coaster..
from being sad, depressed, disappointed, angry..now im feeling much more better..
no more crying although i still do feel sad:(
the weird thing is i still miss him:( why do i still miss him when we r only friends now?:(
i guess im still not used to the new role yet..as his friend instead of gf:(
i also would not how to act if i ever meet him again in the future..
should i just ignore him or talk to him like normal? could i make it?:(
how would his response and behavior towards me? cold? indifferent?
i really dun know wat to expect..quite sad also when come to think of this:(
anyway, just hope that watever will be, will be..
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Facts Regarding Cough Medicine That I Was Overdosed In
Sedilix-DM Linctus
This is the name of the cough mixture that I took to attempt suicide..
it is an antitussive, antihistamine,nasal decongestant (cherry flavour) cough medicine
It effectively suppresses dry irritating cough; relieves allergic rhinitis and common cold, clears stuffy nose, relieves sneezing and runny nose.
the recommendable dosage for adults and children over 12yrs is 10ml every 6hrs..
and i took about 1/3 of the bottle which is roughly 30ml..
normally,even 10ml would make me feel very drowsy and knock me into deep sleep..
imagine if i take 3x of the recommendable amount..
i really had a very deep sleep that night but i woke up the next morning feeling drowsy and drugged throughout the day..
the stated side effects include drowsiness, dizziness, dry mouth, hallucination, allergic rxns etc..
and yes,in my experience,the cough medicine is so strong that i even experienced hallucination b4 after taking it..i felt as if i heard sounds and fell into dreamland while i was just sitting on the chair with the laptop on..sounds scary huh?but this is wat i really experienced before..
out of boredom and curiousity, i decided to do some research on this cough medicine online..
i found the same experience that other ppl had after taking this cough med..
"i took 1 spoonful n was knocked out for 12 hours straight..n den my cough was cured"
"I slept like pig after taking it. The effect is strong"
"It makes you drowsy. At first, it's a wonderful feeling. It's like you're walking on clouds. You sleep really well. You wake up the next morning feeling fresh. Most importantly, you don't cough that much anymore and can speak a sentence without raining saliva on your listeners.
The only problem is, after a few days of cherry flavoured heaven, you start to feel really awful. You feel drowsy even when you are not taking the medication. You sleep all day long. You become unproductive. You can't think straight. You always feel like you're walking on a rocking boat. You get so addicted to the cherry flavoured poison"
Each 5ml of the cough medicine contains:
Dextromethorphan HBr 15mg
Promethazine HCl 3.125mg
Pseudoephedrine HCl 30mg
and so, i did research also on the content of the cough mixture..
Dextromethorphan: At doses higher than medically recommended, dextromethorphan is classified as a dissociative hallucinogenic drug, with visible effects that are similar to ketamine and phencyclidine (PCP). It can produce distortions of the visual field, feelings of dissociation, perceived bodily distortion, and excitement.
Promethazine: Side effects include drowsiness, dry mouth, blurred vision, confusion and respiratory depression of overdose.
Cough syrup which contains Promethazine mixed with ingredients such as Sprite soft drink and pieces of Jolly Rancher candy produces Purple Drank-a term for a recreational drug popular in the hip-hop community of the southern United States.
Purple drank is confirmed to have caused the deaths of overdosed users.
Respiratory depression is a fatal adverse drug reaction associated with Promethazine.
Several rapper such as Pimp C, DJ Screw, and Big Moe had died of Purple Drank overdose.
Pseudoephedrine: Is a very strong nasal decongestant and is banned in several countries.
However, in countries such as in US and Msia, it is allowed to be sold in pharmacies behind-the-counter and to collect personal information from the purchaser. this explains on why I had to write down my personal details when I bought this cough med in pharmacy in Watson.
There has been debates where it should not be sold over-the counter for easy access because it is a strong chemical which might cause misuse and addiction.
Also, its puzzling on how this cough med which is supposed to be control medicine and could be obtained only under doctor's prescription could be obtained so easily.
In short, I had actually taken a cough medicine which is deemed as illegal in some countries.
I had also asked a MHA friend whom is studying as parademic..
he said i was lucky to have consumed only 30ml as it is not enough to be considered as overdose..
since i only took 30ml,i got the same side effects which is drowsiness except it lasts longer which explains why i felt drowsy after waking up the next morning and felt drugged the whole day..
in order for it to cause damage, I need to take at least 1 whole bottle..
that also wont necessarily cause death but I might be hospitalised for respiratory depression..
cough medicine overdose can be considered as harmless but it could cause addiction if being taken overdose continuously in long run..eventually,our body would be immune and resistant to it and need more amount for it to takes effect..until a point where our body could not take it anymore, that is where it might cause death..
another interesting real life story is u cant take the whole bottle of cough medicine as it would make u puking after that..thats why some cough med addict prefers to take pills instead..
in short,the amount of cough medicine that i took that day was not powerful enough to cause me any harm.. unless,i try to mix it with Sprite and take it overdose..or take as many pills as possible..hmm..interesting..
This is the name of the cough mixture that I took to attempt suicide..
it is an antitussive, antihistamine,nasal decongestant (cherry flavour) cough medicine
It effectively suppresses dry irritating cough; relieves allergic rhinitis and common cold, clears stuffy nose, relieves sneezing and runny nose.
the recommendable dosage for adults and children over 12yrs is 10ml every 6hrs..
and i took about 1/3 of the bottle which is roughly 30ml..
normally,even 10ml would make me feel very drowsy and knock me into deep sleep..
imagine if i take 3x of the recommendable amount..
i really had a very deep sleep that night but i woke up the next morning feeling drowsy and drugged throughout the day..
the stated side effects include drowsiness, dizziness, dry mouth, hallucination, allergic rxns etc..
and yes,in my experience,the cough medicine is so strong that i even experienced hallucination b4 after taking it..i felt as if i heard sounds and fell into dreamland while i was just sitting on the chair with the laptop on..sounds scary huh?but this is wat i really experienced before..
out of boredom and curiousity, i decided to do some research on this cough medicine online..
i found the same experience that other ppl had after taking this cough med..
"i took 1 spoonful n was knocked out for 12 hours straight..n den my cough was cured"
"I slept like pig after taking it. The effect is strong"
"It makes you drowsy. At first, it's a wonderful feeling. It's like you're walking on clouds. You sleep really well. You wake up the next morning feeling fresh. Most importantly, you don't cough that much anymore and can speak a sentence without raining saliva on your listeners.
The only problem is, after a few days of cherry flavoured heaven, you start to feel really awful. You feel drowsy even when you are not taking the medication. You sleep all day long. You become unproductive. You can't think straight. You always feel like you're walking on a rocking boat. You get so addicted to the cherry flavoured poison"
Each 5ml of the cough medicine contains:Dextromethorphan HBr 15mg
Promethazine HCl 3.125mg
Pseudoephedrine HCl 30mg
and so, i did research also on the content of the cough mixture..
Dextromethorphan: At doses higher than medically recommended, dextromethorphan is classified as a dissociative hallucinogenic drug, with visible effects that are similar to ketamine and phencyclidine (PCP). It can produce distortions of the visual field, feelings of dissociation, perceived bodily distortion, and excitement.
Promethazine: Side effects include drowsiness, dry mouth, blurred vision, confusion and respiratory depression of overdose.
Cough syrup which contains Promethazine mixed with ingredients such as Sprite soft drink and pieces of Jolly Rancher candy produces Purple Drank-a term for a recreational drug popular in the hip-hop community of the southern United States.
Purple drank is confirmed to have caused the deaths of overdosed users.
Respiratory depression is a fatal adverse drug reaction associated with Promethazine.
Several rapper such as Pimp C, DJ Screw, and Big Moe had died of Purple Drank overdose.
Pseudoephedrine: Is a very strong nasal decongestant and is banned in several countries.
However, in countries such as in US and Msia, it is allowed to be sold in pharmacies behind-the-counter and to collect personal information from the purchaser. this explains on why I had to write down my personal details when I bought this cough med in pharmacy in Watson.
There has been debates where it should not be sold over-the counter for easy access because it is a strong chemical which might cause misuse and addiction.
Also, its puzzling on how this cough med which is supposed to be control medicine and could be obtained only under doctor's prescription could be obtained so easily.
In short, I had actually taken a cough medicine which is deemed as illegal in some countries.
I had also asked a MHA friend whom is studying as parademic..
he said i was lucky to have consumed only 30ml as it is not enough to be considered as overdose..
since i only took 30ml,i got the same side effects which is drowsiness except it lasts longer which explains why i felt drowsy after waking up the next morning and felt drugged the whole day..
in order for it to cause damage, I need to take at least 1 whole bottle..
that also wont necessarily cause death but I might be hospitalised for respiratory depression..
cough medicine overdose can be considered as harmless but it could cause addiction if being taken overdose continuously in long run..eventually,our body would be immune and resistant to it and need more amount for it to takes effect..until a point where our body could not take it anymore, that is where it might cause death..
another interesting real life story is u cant take the whole bottle of cough medicine as it would make u puking after that..thats why some cough med addict prefers to take pills instead..
in short,the amount of cough medicine that i took that day was not powerful enough to cause me any harm.. unless,i try to mix it with Sprite and take it overdose..or take as many pills as possible..hmm..interesting..
Failed Suicide Attempt
Surprisingly, my suicide attempt failed and I didnt even end up hospitalised..
I woke up the next morning feeling drowsy from the side effects of overdose and feeling drugged throughout the day..:(
perhaps 1/3 bottle or 30ml of cough medicine is too little to be considered as overdosed..
4days after the break up,i feel better now but still depressed sometimes:(
the mixed feelings of depressed,sadness,disappointment,angry have been clouding my heart..
all i wana know now is the REASON..reason of the break up..
why?why did u wana break up?there must be a reason to everything..
u cant slap a person without a reason..if not,the person will be angry of course..
also,it wont be fair if u jail a person without reason such as put a person into ISA..
if there is no reason for break up,do u think its being fair for me??
when u have feelings for me last time,u proposed to me..and now that u dun love me anymore,u just dump me like that??u wish that i would just disappear out of ur life,dun u?:(
the more u dun wana tell the reason,the more angry and bitter i will become..
dun u realise the impact on me?it already caused a huge impact on me..
my heart has been broken into thousands of pieces which god knows how long it would take to heals..although our relationship lasted less than 1 yr,but ours r the deepest love i have ever felt..
the impact also cause me to be afraid of emotionally involved in love anymore in the future:(
the feelings of rejection..is too much for me to bear..
for what i have sacrifised,this is what i get..really cant help to feel disappointed and helpless:(
even if im able to love again in the future,i would not sacrifise so much anymore..
there is no point being good to other ppl when there is no guarantee that i would be appreciated..
im really tired and hurtful of love..really dun have the mood to look for someone new now..
loneliness is making me so depressed:(
there is nobody for me to hug when im cold,
no hand for me to hold to when i walk,
nobody to sleep beside me at night,
nobody for me to call and tell stories to,
my heart is feeling empty..so empty..it has lost the passion and reason to beats..
the fear of feeling sweet love again..which is so pure and yet so fragile..
depression..u come and gone..causing me undescribeable suffering..:(
i just wish that the pain would just go away..
and i myself would just float far far away into the land of unknown..
I woke up the next morning feeling drowsy from the side effects of overdose and feeling drugged throughout the day..:(
perhaps 1/3 bottle or 30ml of cough medicine is too little to be considered as overdosed..
4days after the break up,i feel better now but still depressed sometimes:(
the mixed feelings of depressed,sadness,disappointment,angry have been clouding my heart..
all i wana know now is the REASON..reason of the break up..
why?why did u wana break up?there must be a reason to everything..
u cant slap a person without a reason..if not,the person will be angry of course..
also,it wont be fair if u jail a person without reason such as put a person into ISA..
if there is no reason for break up,do u think its being fair for me??
when u have feelings for me last time,u proposed to me..and now that u dun love me anymore,u just dump me like that??u wish that i would just disappear out of ur life,dun u?:(
the more u dun wana tell the reason,the more angry and bitter i will become..
dun u realise the impact on me?it already caused a huge impact on me..
my heart has been broken into thousands of pieces which god knows how long it would take to heals..although our relationship lasted less than 1 yr,but ours r the deepest love i have ever felt..
the impact also cause me to be afraid of emotionally involved in love anymore in the future:(
the feelings of rejection..is too much for me to bear..
for what i have sacrifised,this is what i get..really cant help to feel disappointed and helpless:(
even if im able to love again in the future,i would not sacrifise so much anymore..
there is no point being good to other ppl when there is no guarantee that i would be appreciated..
im really tired and hurtful of love..really dun have the mood to look for someone new now..
loneliness is making me so depressed:(
there is nobody for me to hug when im cold,
no hand for me to hold to when i walk,
nobody to sleep beside me at night,
nobody for me to call and tell stories to,
my heart is feeling empty..so empty..it has lost the passion and reason to beats..
the fear of feeling sweet love again..which is so pure and yet so fragile..
depression..u come and gone..causing me undescribeable suffering..:(
i just wish that the pain would just go away..
and i myself would just float far far away into the land of unknown..
Sunday, December 21, 2008
This Is How It Ended & My Last Words..
Dear all,
I'm so depressed and tired of everything.
i'm scared of knife and poison..so i want a sweet death..
therefore, I have a cough medicine right in front of me.
its a strong cough medicine..even 10ml would make me damn drowsy...
so,with 1/3 bottle left, hopefully it would knock me into deep sleep after i finished it.
i dun know wat would the consequences be..its written overdose effect as respiratory depression so even if i have it,i wont be able to realised it as i would be in deep sleep then..
At last,this is how it ends..Simon,the person that I love the most broke up with me..
I have cried buckets till no tears left..i have now become numb,emotionless,inhuman feelings..
why must all my love life be so depressing?
i just want to love and be loved in return..must it be so hard?
it hurts to see couples having nice time together in prom night..
they seem to be in their own world..staring into each other's eyes lovingly..
holding, hugging and dancing passionately,
the guys seem to be so caring towards their gfs..i really envy them so much:(
it hurts to see couples having fun while im alone in prom..so depressing:(
Simon was the perfect man that I thought could love forever..
but,how wrong i was..he no longer loves me..no reason was given..and im left in the darkness..
my heart feels as if it had been stabbed multiple times..so painful,so hurtful..
i just wana forget everything..
even if i survive tonight,i hope to be able to forget everything..
if i dun,i hope to bring together our sweet and nice moments with me in heaven/hell..
Dear Simon,
Thx for being my bf..althou our relationship didnt work out as expected,but u r my best ever bf
if i cant make u happy,i hope u can find someone better than me..
perhaps im too clingy and dependant on u..
im so sorry to be a burden to u..i know i must be very troublesome to u so u wana break up..
I know u r suicidal as well..but pls promise me,if im not here anymore,do not follow my steps..
promise me that u would live a better life and be a better person..
i want u to be happy..pls be optimistic and dun be so pessimitic in life..
u r a good guy and i still love u..pls take care of urself
ps: i'm not sure whether u have read the offline msn msg or the mic word that i have sent to u, but if u havent, the mic word file is opened in my laptop if u come here..i wil leave my laptop on..
4.03am-10ml
4.10am-another 10ml..hand started to shake..
sweet cough med..i want more..i wana sleep peacefully..
i dun care..add another 10ml..hope this would knock me out..
now finished..im done..i drank cough med like drinking water..
waiting for it to take effect..should be soon..
or should i go to sleep now..starting to feel drowsy..
nvm lemme finish my last words 1st..
to all my other friends..Debbie,Edward,Jaime,Jeremy,Kevin,Ooi Yee,Rachel and other names tht i didnt mention here..thank u so much for ur concern and support when i'm down..
u guys r my great friends and i realy appreciate u guys..
pls dun be sad when im gona..i just wana have a nice rest..
also,my father's 4th demise anniversairy is coming on dec27..
i wana see him again..i wana fulfill the regret of not appreciating him when he is alive..
i hope u guys would learn the moral of this story..
pls appreciate those who love u and nvr wait til its too late..
i learnt tht after my father's death and i hope u guys would realise it soon too..
to my mum,im so sorry to let u down..
u have raised me up so hard..and yet,im doing this to u..
im sorry that i hate u..i knw u love me but the way u treated me all these yrs really had bad impact on me..parent's quarrel,mental abuse,childhood depression..i cant stand it anymore,pls..
pls use the money to take care of urself til u r old..
im so sorry for not being able to take care of u in the future..
im really sorry..and i hope u wil forgive me..
ok i guess i wana go to sleep now..
goodbye everyone..
let me sleep with a smile instead of a frown..
i wana put away the sadness and leave this world with peace..
goodbye..
I'm so depressed and tired of everything.
i'm scared of knife and poison..so i want a sweet death..
therefore, I have a cough medicine right in front of me.
its a strong cough medicine..even 10ml would make me damn drowsy...
so,with 1/3 bottle left, hopefully it would knock me into deep sleep after i finished it.
i dun know wat would the consequences be..its written overdose effect as respiratory depression so even if i have it,i wont be able to realised it as i would be in deep sleep then..
At last,this is how it ends..Simon,the person that I love the most broke up with me..
I have cried buckets till no tears left..i have now become numb,emotionless,inhuman feelings..
why must all my love life be so depressing?
i just want to love and be loved in return..must it be so hard?
it hurts to see couples having nice time together in prom night..
they seem to be in their own world..staring into each other's eyes lovingly..
holding, hugging and dancing passionately,
the guys seem to be so caring towards their gfs..i really envy them so much:(
it hurts to see couples having fun while im alone in prom..so depressing:(
Simon was the perfect man that I thought could love forever..
but,how wrong i was..he no longer loves me..no reason was given..and im left in the darkness..
my heart feels as if it had been stabbed multiple times..so painful,so hurtful..
i just wana forget everything..
even if i survive tonight,i hope to be able to forget everything..
if i dun,i hope to bring together our sweet and nice moments with me in heaven/hell..
Dear Simon,
Thx for being my bf..althou our relationship didnt work out as expected,but u r my best ever bf
if i cant make u happy,i hope u can find someone better than me..
perhaps im too clingy and dependant on u..
im so sorry to be a burden to u..i know i must be very troublesome to u so u wana break up..
I know u r suicidal as well..but pls promise me,if im not here anymore,do not follow my steps..
promise me that u would live a better life and be a better person..
i want u to be happy..pls be optimistic and dun be so pessimitic in life..
u r a good guy and i still love u..pls take care of urself
ps: i'm not sure whether u have read the offline msn msg or the mic word that i have sent to u, but if u havent, the mic word file is opened in my laptop if u come here..i wil leave my laptop on..
4.03am-10ml
4.10am-another 10ml..hand started to shake..
sweet cough med..i want more..i wana sleep peacefully..
i dun care..add another 10ml..hope this would knock me out..
now finished..im done..i drank cough med like drinking water..
waiting for it to take effect..should be soon..
or should i go to sleep now..starting to feel drowsy..
nvm lemme finish my last words 1st..
to all my other friends..Debbie,Edward,Jaime,Jeremy,Kevin,Ooi Yee,Rachel and other names tht i didnt mention here..thank u so much for ur concern and support when i'm down..
u guys r my great friends and i realy appreciate u guys..
pls dun be sad when im gona..i just wana have a nice rest..
also,my father's 4th demise anniversairy is coming on dec27..
i wana see him again..i wana fulfill the regret of not appreciating him when he is alive..
i hope u guys would learn the moral of this story..
pls appreciate those who love u and nvr wait til its too late..
i learnt tht after my father's death and i hope u guys would realise it soon too..
to my mum,im so sorry to let u down..
u have raised me up so hard..and yet,im doing this to u..
im sorry that i hate u..i knw u love me but the way u treated me all these yrs really had bad impact on me..parent's quarrel,mental abuse,childhood depression..i cant stand it anymore,pls..
pls use the money to take care of urself til u r old..
im so sorry for not being able to take care of u in the future..
im really sorry..and i hope u wil forgive me..
ok i guess i wana go to sleep now..
goodbye everyone..
let me sleep with a smile instead of a frown..
i wana put away the sadness and leave this world with peace..
goodbye..
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Last Xmas U Gave Me Your Heart...
I still remember at this time of the year last year,I spent my Xmas with my ex-bf in Australia.
However,that is not what I wana remember..my ex-bf is already a history..
I still remember exactly on Dec19,2007, after Simon and Tong fetched me to KLIA, Simon sent a sms to me confessing he loves me..it was very sweet of him then..and the msg is still in my hp:)
Back then,I really never thought he would be my bf..furthermore,I was kinda planning to further my studies in Aus to be together with my ex-bf..
However,what a change in fate..he made me realised and gave me hope that someone nearby could give me happiness..I changed my mind and decided not to go to Aus instead:)
After some time,I decided to break up with my ex-bf coz we dun seem to have future together..
On the Valentine's Day on Feb14,2008,u proposed to me and thus, start the journey of our love..
Many sweet memories when we were together..in Genting Highland,Pangkor Island..
not forgetting dating at each other's house and watched movies together..:)
All these memories make my heart smile and long for ur presence..
U r not the perfect kind of guy but I felt a total sense of happiness when I'm with u:)
However, as time goes by, u became busier with work and friends..
I'm no longer ur priority and u r moving away from me..
I was ignored and dun feel appreciated by u..
instead, i began to feel like a burden to u:(
What ever happen to the passionate kiss and hug?
Why were u looking away when I try to look into ur eyes?
Why is there an annoying tone in ur voice when I call u?
Why don't u call or msg me anymore?
Why arent u calling me baby or darling anymore?
Who am I to u and am I even a significant person in ur life?
My heart breaks into pieces when I dont even know whether u love me or not..
What have I done and what are my weaknesses that caused u to treat me this way?
I dun even know whether we can survive for 1yr but u and ur ex managed to survive for 3yrs..
Am I not good enough compared to ur ex?
Did u treat ur ex better than how u treat me now?:(
Didn't u want someone who can treat u better than ur ex?Didnt i fit the criteria?
Sadness and feeling of depressed cause me many sleepless nights..
I with I could turn back the time..
The time where we could still be happy with each other..
The time where u would call me and talk to me excitedly..
The time where u could even take the trouble to come all over to my place..
The time where u smile whenever u see me..
The time where I was called baby or honey..
The time where I would be appreciated and made me feel good.
The time where we could talk about anything openly..
The time I could just lie down on ur chest and listen to ur heartbeat..
The time where we yearn to see and miss each there so much..
But can all this happen again?Can I turn back the time once more?
My heart feels heavier and heavier with sadness every each day..
It's killing me not to love and be loved in return:(
It's killing me u r not the same bf again..
How long can I feel depressed..how long can this last..
Loneliness is killing me slowly..
When can I learn how to smile again..I wonder..:(
However,that is not what I wana remember..my ex-bf is already a history..
I still remember exactly on Dec19,2007, after Simon and Tong fetched me to KLIA, Simon sent a sms to me confessing he loves me..it was very sweet of him then..and the msg is still in my hp:)
Back then,I really never thought he would be my bf..furthermore,I was kinda planning to further my studies in Aus to be together with my ex-bf..
However,what a change in fate..he made me realised and gave me hope that someone nearby could give me happiness..I changed my mind and decided not to go to Aus instead:)
After some time,I decided to break up with my ex-bf coz we dun seem to have future together..
On the Valentine's Day on Feb14,2008,u proposed to me and thus, start the journey of our love..
Many sweet memories when we were together..in Genting Highland,Pangkor Island..
not forgetting dating at each other's house and watched movies together..:)
All these memories make my heart smile and long for ur presence..
U r not the perfect kind of guy but I felt a total sense of happiness when I'm with u:)
However, as time goes by, u became busier with work and friends..
I'm no longer ur priority and u r moving away from me..
I was ignored and dun feel appreciated by u..
instead, i began to feel like a burden to u:(
What ever happen to the passionate kiss and hug?
Why were u looking away when I try to look into ur eyes?
Why is there an annoying tone in ur voice when I call u?
Why don't u call or msg me anymore?
Why arent u calling me baby or darling anymore?
Who am I to u and am I even a significant person in ur life?
My heart breaks into pieces when I dont even know whether u love me or not..
What have I done and what are my weaknesses that caused u to treat me this way?
I dun even know whether we can survive for 1yr but u and ur ex managed to survive for 3yrs..
Am I not good enough compared to ur ex?
Did u treat ur ex better than how u treat me now?:(
Didn't u want someone who can treat u better than ur ex?Didnt i fit the criteria?
Sadness and feeling of depressed cause me many sleepless nights..
I with I could turn back the time..
The time where we could still be happy with each other..
The time where u would call me and talk to me excitedly..
The time where u could even take the trouble to come all over to my place..
The time where u smile whenever u see me..
The time where I was called baby or honey..
The time where I would be appreciated and made me feel good.
The time where we could talk about anything openly..
The time I could just lie down on ur chest and listen to ur heartbeat..
The time where we yearn to see and miss each there so much..
But can all this happen again?Can I turn back the time once more?
My heart feels heavier and heavier with sadness every each day..
It's killing me not to love and be loved in return:(
It's killing me u r not the same bf again..
How long can I feel depressed..how long can this last..
Loneliness is killing me slowly..
When can I learn how to smile again..I wonder..:(
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