If Only I Disappear One Day..

today is a very sad day..my heart is bleeding and so painful..:(
i just wanted to see him coz i miss him too much..
but i was given cold shoulder and mistreated..
it's so painful to see someone u love to treat u so cold:(
have i done anything wrong?wat did i do to deserve such treatment??:(
i'm just like anybody else longing for love and human's contact..is that wrong??
my heart yearning for two ways communication, a hug, a pat on my shoulder, and a sincere smile..
but all i always get back in return is rejection and avoidance..
since small, i was rejected by mum,rejected in life and now rejected by my loved one:(
never before my heart is properly fulfilled with love..
why?why am i so unlucky??
other people could get wat they want although their personality sucks..
why me..i dont do anything wrong and why cant i get wat i want??:(
it really hurts..tears keep on streaming on my cheeks..
if only 1 day i would disappear..take away my loneliness and suffering..
u dun have to see my face anymore and lessen ur burden..
i wish i would be taken away into another world where loneliness is non-existent there and the world is full of love and i dun have to suffer anymore..
my life is now meaningless like black and white..:(
all i want is love but seems like i'm always alone
i dun wana die alone but long can i last?:(

I Miss You...

I want to hold your hands and walk a mile..
Don't wana miss you, even for a while..
My life is so beautiful coz..
Dear, it's you..you are my life.

Hug me for my worries to die..
My tears to dry..
And my loneliness to fly.

It hurts to know..
How sometimes, I can be a little selfish..
When it comes to you.

I'm going sentimental over all you..
For god's sake, I don't know why i feel this way.

I miss you every moment of the day..
I keep myself awake just to listen to you..
I keep myself empty just for you to fill..
I keep myself alive just to see you.

My mornings I miss you..
My evenings I seek you..
Where were you all this while..
Why weren't you here to wipe my tears.

Fear of future is worst than the pain of the past..
I keep my dreams alive, hoping you will be there.

Even seconds are unbearable for me..
I want to hold your hands and walk a mile..
Don't wana miss you, even for a while.

To Wait or Not to Wait??

How i wish i could turn back the time,
Reliving the old memories again,
Yearning for the time when we were flying together,
Sharing our heart, our body, our soul..

Why is my heart feeling empty again,
As if finding for the missing piece of itself,
The ultimate key to happiness and joy,
The long-lost light to the darkness..

Is there still hope for two lovebirds to be reunited again,
Or are we destined to be separated forever,
Please..I'm desperate to know the truth,
For it's quite sad for the broken angel to lose her wings..

Should i wait or not to wait,
Should i stand here or just go away,
My heart, as heavy as a sandbag,
My legs, as hard as the wooden poles..

It has been ages since the sun shines so brightly,
Silent doomed the land instead of chirping birds,
When will I ever get back my missing piece of heart,
Or it would be drowned in the deep ocean of sorrow...

sharonsan

My Myers-Briggs Personality Type=)

The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) assessment is a psychometric questionnaire designed to measure psychological preferences in how people perceive the world and make decisions. I took MBTI from Humanmetrics.com and Similarminds.com

My personality type is INFJ (introversion, intuition, feeling, perception).

• I – Introversion preferred to Extraversion: INFJs tend to be quiet and reserved. They generally prefer interacting with a few close friends rather than a wide circle of acquaintances, and they expend energy in social situations (whereas extraverts gain energy).
• N – Intuition preferred to Sensing: INFJs tend to focus on the "big picture" rather than the details, and the future rather than the "here and now."
• F – Feeling preferred to Thinking: INFJs tend to rely on a personal, internal sense of right and wrong rather than external, objective criteria. When making decisions, they often give more weight to feelings and social considerations than to logic.
• J – Judgment preferred to Perception: INFJs tend to plan their activities and make decisions early. They derive a sense of control through predictability, which to perceptive types may seem limiting.

Characteristics of INFJs

INFJs are conscientious and value-driven. They seek meaning in relationships, ideas, and events, with an eye toward better understanding themselves and others. Using their intuitive skills, they develop a clear vision, which they then execute decisively to better the lives of others. Like their INTJ counterparts, INFJs regard problems as opportunities to design and implement creative solutions.

INFJs are quiet, private individuals who prefer to exercise their influence behind the scenes. Although very independent, INFJs are intensely interested in the well-being of others. INFJs prefer one-on-one relationships to large groups. Sensitive and complex, they are adept at understanding complicated issues and driven to resolve differences in a cooperative and creative manner.

Accounting for 1–3% of the population, INFJs have a rich, vivid inner life, which they may be reluctant to share with those around them. Nevertheless, they are congenial in their interactions, and perceptive of the emotions of others. Generally well-liked by their peers, they may often be considered close friends and confidants by most other types. However, they are guarded in expressing their own feelings, especially to new people, and so tend to establish close relationships slowly. INFJs tend to be easily hurt, though they may not reveal this except to their closest companions. INFJs may "silently withdraw as a way of setting limits," rather than expressing their wounded feelings. This behavior may leave others confused and upset.

INFJs tend to be sensitive, quiet leaders with a great depth of personality. They are intricately and deeply woven, mysterious, and highly complex, sometimes puzzling even to themselves. They have an orderly view toward the world, but are internally arranged in a complex way that only they could understand. Abstract in communicating, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. With a natural affinity for art, INFJs tend to be creative and easily inspired. Yet they may also do well in the sciences, aided by their intuition.

Frustrated?Disappointed??

Earlier today my ex-bf and I had an argument regarding life..
religion, superstition, phenomena, blah blah blah..
His point of view regarding life is quite extreme..
i believe not everything could be explained by science but he thinks that almost everything can be proven by science..he believes that there r many things such as God and phenomena that has yet been proven by science..
to say God could be proven by science is quite extreme and honestly,i dont know whether its possible to be proven..
even if God could be proven indeed,i dont think it could happen in this era and age..
therefore,most ppl on this earth still believe in religion..
no doubt,there is something skeptic regarding religion such as the story of how humans exist eg.Adam and Eve..instead of evolutionary theory..
but i got no idea how the heck can God be proven by science??:(
Not to say his opinions on life is wrong but i think its still not ready to be accepted by the society yet..
in fact,i think ur views is not totally wrong and there is some logic in it..
but im not saying that ur views r wrong so u r not supposed to say tht mine is wrong either..
as long as my opinion has yet to br proven right and urs has yet to be proven too,nobody's opinions r wrong..
so why not just let things be this way..u believe ur opinion and i believe in mine..

seriously,i have no prob with our 'intellectual difference' and i could accept u as who u r..
i have seen many couples who have far more serious prob in their relationship but they still could work out and remain satisfied in their relationship..
but if u believe that this 'intellectual difference' is one of the main issue in our relationship, well then i wish u good luck and find a more intelligent and better girl who shares ur point of view:S
i tried my best but no matter wat,im so sorry i still couldnt understand u:(
i dont regret loving u as i have tried my best but sadly im just not up to ur expectation..
sorry,as disappointed and frustrated as u r,im just not good enough for u..:(
so i wish u luck to find a better soulmate in the future...peace..

Back to Depressed Again..I'm So Lonely With Bleeding Heart..

Im back to depressed again..
I just cry and cry and cry uncontrollable..:(
My heart is still feeling so painful..still bleeding even after a week..
i cant imagine how am i gona live without him in my life anymore..
i feel so lonely..so miserable..im all alone now:(
hiding in the corner of my room..
i just wana bury my face into the pillow..
if can,i dun wana wake up anymore..
so that i wont have to feel this painful feeling everyday..
tears after tears rolling into the pillow..
i could only hug my beloved dolls and no one else..
where is love in this world..
i just want to love and be loved..why is it so hard??:(
i have been deprived of love since young..
when can i get love at last or will i ever get,i wonder..
this world is just so cruel..
my heart has been stabbed again and again by love..
why dun just let me die then..:(
seeing his handsome pics in spore in facebook..
makes me feel like wana hug him..
but how can i do that anymore..
who am i to him now..
im no more urs..u dun love me anymore:(
all i want now is to see him..
wana see him for 1 last time..
can i at least hug u for the last time?:(
feel the warmthness of ur body and feeling safe in ur arms..
i dun even knw whether i will experience that again in the future..
im so lonely..all i want is to see u for 1 last time..can i?:(

My Father's 4th Demise Anniversary..Not Forgotten Tsunami Victims..

Today, 27 Dec 2008 was my father's 4th demise anniversary..
exactly 4 yrs ago, my beloved father passed away due to colon cancer at 4am, 27 Dec, 2004.
Also, not forgotten the 4th year anniversary of Tsunami incidents that caused thousands of death in many countries on Boxing Day, 26 Dec,2004.
The memories my father and the image of tsunami in newspapers still haunts me now and then..
I still remember the time when my mum and I had to take care of during the last few days when u were bedridden.. really never expect u would just leave us like that 1 day:(
I would never ever forget this time of the year..together i mourn together with the families of tsunami victims for all of us had lost our beloved ones..lets hold a silent prayer together....

Papa,I really miss u so much:( how r u now?i hope u r resting peacefully in heaven..
look..im a big girl now..im gona graduate soon next year june..i know u must be proud of me:)
i really hope to meet u again..i almost cause myself death that day if not of the failed attempt:(
i guess u were the guardian angel that saved me that day..maybe its not my time yet:(
but i do hope to meet u soon..i miss u so much, papa..

now, 7 days after the break up..i have gone through emotions of roller coaster..
from being sad, depressed, disappointed, angry..now im feeling much more better..
no more crying although i still do feel sad:(
the weird thing is i still miss him:( why do i still miss him when we r only friends now?:(
i guess im still not used to the new role yet..as his friend instead of gf:(
i also would not how to act if i ever meet him again in the future..
should i just ignore him or talk to him like normal? could i make it?:(
how would his response and behavior towards me? cold? indifferent?
i really dun know wat to expect..quite sad also when come to think of this:(
anyway, just hope that watever will be, will be..